When you never got to the "I love you" part

 I might have a lot of issues. It might be my fault. The fact that I never heard “I love you”. The fact that I never said “I love you” even though I did, or at least, I was pretty close. But there comes a time in every girls life when you just jam in your apartment on your favorite song with nothing but some panties on and it just hits you: “God, I’m awesome”.

And you realize that even in your worst moments, in your bad hair days,  in your bad decisions nights or in your hangover mornings, it’s still you. It will always be you and you wouldn’t change that for anybody. You never heard “I love you”, it’s true, but you also know the reasons why. Timing was always your enemy.

Besides that what else? You look at yourself at you start analyzing your habits, your attitude, your way of living.

Is it the fact that the volume to your music is always on maximum?

Or the fact that you cannot leave your house in the morning if you didn’t dance a little bit in front of the mirror?

It is the fact that sometimes you let dishes pile up in your sink and it doesn’t even bother you? Or that you forget watering your plants? Or buying bread? Or getting up early when you have to?

Is it the fact that you party too much and work too little? That instead of making sketches for your school projects, you paint your living-room wall? That instead of doing research you read books by your favorite author?

Is it the fact that you are so friendly with everyone that sometimes they tend to take that for granted? The fact that you cannot say “no”, the fact that you are always there for them? That you would leave everything you were doing at 4 am just to go and give them a hug when they call you feeling lonely?

Is it the fact that holding hands is more important for you than kissing? That looking into one’s eyes is what sets your heart on fire? That him kissing your forehead makes you act like a little girl? That you like to cuddle all night, that you love morning sex?

Is it the fact that you enjoy crying for no reason when nobody’s around? That you listen to sad songs, look outside the window and try making a music video in your head? That you read old text messages and watch old videos in order to bring that moment back and the way he made you feel?

Is it the fact that you like reading books about one’s feelings and not necessarily with a rich story line? The fact that you love romantic movies? Because a part of you still wants to believe in that running towards each other in slow motion kind of scenario? Is it the fact that you love receiving flowers and having a date on Valentine’s day? That you are so old fashioned when it comes to love? That you try acting like a diva but once they get to know you, you’re nothing but a child who wants to be held?

Is  the fact that you want to be loved why you are not loved?

And if so, what would you change about that, about yourself?

But then there’s that moment that comes into every girls life when they just realize “Wait a minute, I would actually not change a thing about me.”

If  I were a boy, I would be exactly the girl he would love to love.

So then you decide to not get upset about it. Not anymore. The fact that you didn’t hear “I love you” until now it’s not because of your ways of loving or actually, wanting to love, it’s just because the guy who would’ve said “I love you” still didn’t hear your “hello”.

So just go. Grab your jacket and your lipstick and go spreading hellos.

And stop thinking about him. About the guy who didn’t love you. It’s disrespectful towards the guy that will.